Unfortunately, or fortunately, I’ve come to know that I’m not the only one who does this. It’s a common thread that links the majority of us that were fortunate to survive our embolism experiences. It’s what we believe as being a kindness to those that surround us as a way of keeping their minds at more at ease knowing that they are already overwhelmed, confused, and concerned for our well being. Only to then have major melt downs that can range from anger to sadness and loss, and may even go as far as self loathing/pity due to no longer being what we were before and trying to process, comprehend, and embrace the concept that we will never be again.
This brings up the question of, that, in reality, are we really being kind and considerate, or are we doing them a disservice by not sharing what’s going on both mentally and physically after such life changing events?
What do you think? Kindness or disservice maybe both?
Please share your thoughts and/or experiences regarding this subject.
I have not myself had an embolism. However, this reminds me of the similarities in my everyday life. “How are you?” is often asked. “Fine! Great! Doing good!” is the standard reply. When in reality I want to say “My kids are draining me, i’m tired, my husbands healthy worries me daily, I feel like my house is never clean enough, my temper is a little too short and I just want a maid and silence!” Instead it is kept inside. Constantly trying to live up to my own impossible standard. It builds and builds and builds. The meltdown is soon to follow. Then the guilt. The crushing guilt of my meltdown, because that is the ultimate failure for me. Losing it on the people who you know love you and mean well. Even then the truth, the root cause of said meltdown, mostly goes unsaid. People often say how asking for help is a sign of strength. They why when I ask do I feel so inferior? Is it all within myself? Is it only in my own head that people who claim to be friends are actually judging me based on my weaknesses or is the perceived jugement actually truth? Blah, it is a vicious cycle. We all: women, men, those suffering from physical ailments or mental ailments, nearly everyone needs to embrace our communication skills. I’m not suggesting we spill our life story when the shopping center cashier asks how our day is, but, when a family member, friend or even acquaintance asks “How are you?” we need to learn to answer with the truth. Just a answer of “struggling but not giving up” is enough. Or “having a rough time with life”. If a person wants to know more, if they want to help after that answer, they will engage you in true conversation. To directly answer your question, if hiding yourself is a disservice or a kindness, it is a disservice. A disservice to yourself. A disservice to the people in our lives who truly want to help, if they know help is needed. I am guilty of this so very often in my daily life. I am going to work hard, one day at a time, to be honest, not only with others but with myself as well. I am going to stop for a heartbeat when someone asks me “How are you?” and really think to myself “How AM I…?” The answer may surprise myself. ❤
Love your honesty, willingness and openness in sharing Kristine!! Thanks for taking on the challenge in doing so. The comments that have received regarding this have been not only amazing, but very enlightening. Yes, it’s true in what you say about not having had an embolism yourself, but you’ve had your own experiences with them nonetheless In my knowing that, you are every bit as much a survivor as I am. I’m glad and thankful that Kevin has you. He’s a lucky man in that respect, although not so much when it came to family genetics. I never imagined it would affect more than just Becca and I as Mom was the only one who had ‘active’ clotting issues. Maybe, just maybe, we’ll be around long enough to see a true preventive therapy develop that will deter the occurrences of happening to others. Maybe, just… Maybe…